Romance scams in your 40s: what the 2025 reports show

Romance scams reach people in their 40s in real numbers. In its 2025 report, the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center logged 3,010 confidence and romance fraud complaints from people ages 40 to 49, with $74.6 million reported lost.1 Those are only the cases people reported. The good news is that the way these scams unfold is consistent, and the early signs show up well before anyone asks for money.

Where do these scams usually start?

Often not on a dating app. The FTC reports that nearly 60% of people who lost money to a romance scam in 2025 said it began on a social media platform.2 For people in their 40s, about a third of all scam loss reports, romance or otherwise, involved scams that started on social media.2

That matters if you’ve stepped back from dating apps and are meeting people through mutual follows, comments or a friendly DM. The FTC notes scammers often tailor their approach to what’s on your profile.2

How does a romance scam usually unfold?

In stages. Monica Whitty’s model, built from interviews with victims, describes a grooming period before any money comes up: the scammer builds trust and closeness first, then introduces requests, then finds reasons to keep the person invested.3 The FTC’s reports describe the turn as either a sudden crisis that money would solve, or casual investment advice that leads to a fake trading platform.2

The FBI adds a newer wrinkle. In 2025, people reported losing over $19 million to romance and confidence scams with a likely AI link, including fake profiles and AI-written scripts that make conversation sound more natural.1

Key takeaways

• The 40s are not exempt. About 3,000 complaints and $74.6 million reported lost in 2025.1
• Social media is the usual front door. Nearly 60% of romance scam losses started there.2
• Trust comes first, the ask comes later. Scams build closeness before money is mentioned.3
• Investment talk is a warning sign. It’s one of the two common ways the money request arrives.2

Who gets targeted?

Anyone, which is the uncomfortable part. One study comparing romance scam victims with people who had never fallen for mass-marketing fraud found victims tended to be middle-aged, well-educated women and scored higher on impulsivity-related and trust measures.4 That’s one study with its own sample, and it describes averages, not who is “the type”. Plenty of victims don’t fit it. A good education clearly isn’t a shield, since the victims in that study tended to be well educated.4

What should you do if something feels off?

Pause before any money changes hands. The FTC’s advice is never to let someone you met on social media direct your investment decisions, and to limit who can see your posts and contacts so scammers have less to work with.2 If you’ve already paid, stop and report it: the FTC takes reports at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and the FBI at ic3.gov.21 Reporting isn’t only about getting money back; the FTC says it uses reports to investigate and stop fraud.2

If someone messages constantly but always has a reason not to meet, pen-pal mode looks at the ordinary and not-so-ordinary reasons. And if you’re doubting a partner you’ve already met, how do I know if my partner is lying? is the better fit.